i am sorry
...that i lie to the people around me when they ask "how are you?"
...to the people to whom i have been putting up a face for.
...for not having real passion.
...that my perception of God as an angry, impatient, short fused father is a wrong one.
...that i can tell no one how i really feel, i cannot fully be truthful to some people as i would like to be, and i am sorry for knowing that you guys cannot handle it.
...that i lie to the people around me when they ask "how are you?"
...to the people to whom i have been putting up a face for.
...for not having real passion.
...that my perception of God as an angry, impatient, short fused father is a wrong one.
...that i can tell no one how i really feel, i cannot fully be truthful to some people as i would like to be, and i am sorry for knowing that you guys cannot handle it.
...for blogging about it.
...that i am not committed.
...for not being dedicated enough.
...for not having the right answer.
...for being blunt, short fused, indecisive.
...for shouting.
...for being emotional. No, scrap that, i have the right to be emotional. EAT MY SHORTS.
*
Second thoughts are useless and futile when I know the real answer.
The race seems too long and too tough to be true. Maybe, I thought, I'm not living life like how He would like me to be. Maybe I'm be better off living as a nobody. Maybe it'd be better if I just gave up completely.
Sometimes I have a vague wanting to let go of it all. Then I stop myself by looking at those who have already gave up halfway, and those who have just started the race. And I ask myself, how can I?
So what if the passion is not real? Paul did say "As long as the Gospel is preached,", did he not?
2 comments:
hey aisha.. just so you know.. you're not alone in this.. I'm with you..
hang in there..
Hmmm... This is a rather vague post. I'm not too sure whether I understand it completely. Anyway, it's not about your faith, it's not about your passion or whether you're dedicated enough in your walk with God which sustains your relationship with Him. It's all about Jesus and knowing who you are in Him.
And yea, as long as Jesus is preached, faith is imparted =)
Post a Comment