i hate emotions

...but we can't live without them.
Why do we question so many things in life...
Why can't we just be honest and truthful to ourselves? No one's going to kill you for being honest.
But I'm still afraid of being true.
There's a certain degree of vulnerability in doing so that I will only reveal my weakness to God. But now...things are changing.
I doubt it's still the same. I'm sorry.
I find myself thinking about so many things; wishing that some didn't happen, but I can't seem to find myself wishing THIS has never happened. I don't know lah.
Sometimes I just want to fade to dust, to not have any participation in the rhythms of life that will pull and push you, crush and smash you to oblivion countless times over and over again-But that's the essence of life. It's the holding on that's hard to do. I like challenges. Maybe that's why I'm not giving up. God showed me the line that says "If you're not facing strongholds and challenges, it means you're not in the fight anymore. Start worrying when everything seems okay,"

Now, here's the thing. I can't say that I don't believe in that, because that'll be bad. But I can't say that I believe fully in that, because that will mean I'm not being true to myself. There is a place deep within my heart that is still with God. That still longs for that assurance, that love and completeness, that feeling of humbleness that only God so big can make me feel.

So, people, do live your life. Don't give it up for a few hours of rest. You want rest?

GO TAKE A NAP. EAT CHOCOLATE. HUG A SOFT TOY. TALK TO A FRIEND. CRY.




It's been a while since I did any of those...


Maybe I'm just emo because of the beach. WHY IS THE BEACH SO EMO WHEN I GROW UP.